Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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