is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
