Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
