I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize