There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Duck Duck Cougar?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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