it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think people are normalizing furries
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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