Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
