Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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