I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
