Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
