No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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