she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
