i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You've changed since you got that strap on
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
