The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
