Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
