ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm always down for nudity.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
