I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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