laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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