Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
