There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
