Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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