my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
