my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
