My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
