Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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