Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
