i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
