if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
