It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
