i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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