Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
