thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
