At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
