i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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