Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
