Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize