new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
