3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
