you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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