Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
