This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found puke in my bra..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
