I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
