How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
