awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
