he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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