He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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