A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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