i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
