hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
