Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
