your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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