i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
