i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
