in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
