Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
