I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
