The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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