Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
