We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
