i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
