i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize