Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
