Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
