Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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