the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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