I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
