if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
