My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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