I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
