remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
