im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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