I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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