I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
